Why is it very hard to control our anger with our kids? There are many reasons, but the reason is that it’s mainly because we allow ourselves to get angry and lose control. When we react emotionally to our kids and lose control, we’re allowing our kids to determine how we behave rather than the other way around.
The parents react to their children without thinking. They have to be more conscious while interacting with children. Even if the kids are annoying, you should have to be calm and tell them, ‘wait for a moment and let me control myself to give a reply,’. When you try to manage your child’s behavior instead of your anxiety, what you’re saying is, ‘I’m out of control. I need you to change so that I can feel better.
Remember always that when you get yourself under control, your kids will also usually calm down. The anxiety of parents may affect the children too in a negative way.
No one wants to lose control and get angry—we don’t do it on purpose. But it just seems to happen. Fortunately, there are things you can do to train yourself to stay calm. Below are several techniques to control your anger and stay calm when dealing with your child.
Take an Oath to Stay in Control
Commit yourself to trying to stay in control from now on. There would be many things cause you are angry. So it is not always easy to stay in control and no one can control their temper 100 percent of the time. Nevertheless, commit to being calm and work toward that goal.
First, you keep quiet in a particular situation. Then you may leave from there. That will make you cool and allow you to be relaxed.
Expect Your Child To Push Your Buttons
We get upset when our kids don’t do what we want them to do. They don’t listen or they don’t comply.
The best matter is to expect and accept that your child is going to push your buttons and not take it personally. In a sense, your child is doing her job—she’s testing her limits.
And at the same time, your job to remain calm and make sure that your child knows where the limits are and, when she exceeds those limits, that she is held accountable.
You should be a Responsible Parent
Some parents are confused about what they are and are not responsible for. And when they take responsibility for things that belong to their child, they inevitably get frustrated.
You should aware of your kids. So should be knowing what is in your box are your thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities. In your child’s box are his thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities.
Let them solve their problems themselves. Give space to them and intervene with your mature suggestions. That will enable them to be independent. And that will evoke a thought that they are responsible for their lives. As yet, Parents do have responsibilities. Parents should coach their children when necessary. And parents should set the rules of the family and hold their kids accountable for those rules by giving them effective consequences. The rest is up to the child.
Worried about the Future
Sometimes, we fast forward to the future and wonder if this is how our kids will be for the rest of their lives. We wonder how they will make it in the real world if they won’t even do their homework.
The more we think about their future, the more our anxiety goes up. In our heads, we start worrying that we’re not doing a good job as parents. We worry that we don’t know what to do to get them under our control.
Try Positive Self-Talk
Talk to yourself. Yes, talk to yourself, that is the best way to overcome your anger and anxiety.
In your head, you can say something like, “I’m not going to react to my child’s behavior. I’m going to step back. I’m going to take a deep breath.”
A self-talk is a powerful tool. You can control the voice in your head so that it produces calm instead of anxiety.
Ask yourself “What’s helped me in the past?” Start thinking about what’s helped you to manage your anxiety in the past. What’s helped to soothe you through something that makes you uncomfortable?
Say something to yourself every time you feel your emotions rising. It can be anything from “Stop” or “Breathe” or “Slow down” to “Does it really matter?” or “Is this that important?” Experiment and use the words that help you stay in control.
Take a Deep Breath
Whenever you feel yourself escalating, take a deep breath. And take a moment to think things through. There is a big difference between responding and reacting.
When you respond, you’re taking some time to think about what you want to say.
In contrast, when you react, you’re just on autopilot. It’s all knee-jerk.
It is always better to respond not to react to your kids.
Visualize a Positive Relationship with Your Child
Picture an ideal relationship with your child five or ten years from now. Ask yourself, “Is how I’m responding to my child now going to help me have the relationship that I want? Is my response going to help me reach my goal?”
This doesn’t mean that you allow your child each of the demands and their bad habits. Instead, it means that you treat your child with respect—the way you want her to treat you. It means that you talk to your child the way you would want your child to talk to you.
Always keep the picture of the ideal relationship in your head. Make that picture the goal. Ask yourself, “Will my angry response be worth it?” If your goal is to have a solid relationship with your child, will your reaction get you closer to that goal?
Someone once said, “Response comes from the word responsibility.” In that sense, managing our anger is taking responsibility for how we want to act rather than having a knee-jerk reaction when our buttons are pushed.
And if we can get our thinking out in front of our emotions, we’re going to do better as parents. That’s the goal.