When someone you love shares that he/she has cancer, at the beginning you may feel shocked. You may become very concerned about the person affected and the family members or friends, and you may wonder what you should say or what you can do to help them.
You should keep in your mind that your support is very important. Research has found that social support from friends and family members strongly impacts the process of coping with cancer, and can increase the person’s overall well-being.
“People who lack support are at an increased risk of mental health issues,” said Ashley Imburgia, a psychologist specializing in cancer care at Banner MD Anderson Cancer Center. “Support, on the other hand, can help them cope and improve their quality of life.” Dr. Imburgia offered some suggestions on ways you can help as well as things to avoid.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer, you may worry that you might say or do the wrong thing. Everyone’s situation is unique, but most people find these statements and actions help support someone with cancer:
Play to your strengths. People can provide different types of support. Some are best at practical assistance like preparing meals, taking care of the lawn, or caring for the kids. Others are more emotionally oriented and are better at being present and listening. “Figure out which one you have the bandwidth for and offer that type of support,” Dr. Imburgia said.
Listen without judgment. Allow your loved one to share their feelings without interrupting or minimizing them. Give importance to their feelings and acknowledge them. Offer specific ways you can help. People often say, “Let me know if you need anything.” But the person with cancer may perceive that as an empty gesture or may not be able to think of what you could do. It can be hard for them to ask for help. Instead, you can offer concrete, practical actions —give a drive to the appointments, stay with them during chemotherapy treatments, walk their dog, watch their children, organize meal donations, or help with household tasks.
Provide entertainment they enjoy. When you’re being treated for cancer, you can have long stretches of time you need to fill. You can make a playlist for your loved one, bring over books or magazines, help your friend download movies to a tablet, or provide crafts.
Check-in regularly. Your loved one may be able to manage their tasks at some stages of treatment and not at others. Make sure to offer support on regular basis.
Keep supporting them after cancer treatments are over. Your friend or family member may still need your help after they complete the treatment. Don’t assume they are ready to tackle all their responsibilities right away.
Remember the caregiver. The person who has the most responsibility for caring for the person with cancer needs your support, too. “They are often overlooked,” Dr. Imburgia said. A mental health professional can help. You may have strong emotional feelings as to the process related to your loved one’s diagnosis and treatment. Talking to a counselor or therapist could help make you more available to support your friend or family member.
What to say to someone who has cancer.
Most people with cancer find statements like these can make a positive impact:
“I am here for you.”, “I am here if you need to talk.” can have a very positive impact on the patient.
Of course, you want to support your loved one, and you mean well. But some things people often say to others who have cancer don’t have the expected effect. Here are a few things to avoid.
When a loved one has cancer, it can be challenging to know what to do and say to support them best. The most important thing is to make sure, they know you are thinking of them, and that you are there for them.