Saying ‘no’ is not easy for many people; especially to loved ones. Some people also have difficulty in thinking about saying “no,” “can’t,” or to others. If we look back at our own lives, we can see many experiences where we have said “of course” when we should have said no. The problems caused by this in our lives are not small.
A major reason why our attempts fail to say no is that we don’t understand exactly why we say yes. So before we learn to say no, isn’t it better to understand why we say yes?
- Our children are not taught how to say no healthily from a young age to avoid the discomfort of saying “no”. Moreover, children are often not allowed to make their own choices. Children who are used to saying ”yes” to everything, even if they ask you to cut off your head, don’t you say “yes”?
2. We try to avoid as much as possible those things that we feel will alienate others. Doing things that others might alienate us can be extremely uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing.
3. Worrying about hurting other people’s feelings can make it difficult to say no.
4. Desire to help others can lead to failure to say no to people. Sometimes people who say yes to everything do so because they want to help others. They will be under mental stress by taking on many things themselves.
No can be said where it is necessary to say:
1. There is a definite boundary in personal relationships: Although we are social creatures it is necessary to have boundaries between individuals. If you are not able to maintain boundaries in personal relationships, it can be a sign or the beginning of major psychological and emotional problems.
2. Reduces stress: When we take on more things than we can handle, stress is the result.
3. Avoidance of displeasure among people: Displeasure may be avoided temporarily but in the long run it may lead to great resentment and dislike among individuals. If it is not possible then it is better to say no in the first place.
4. Avoid Guilt: When we start doing too much for others, we can’t do our things and then it leads to guilt.
How to make saying no easier?
∙ Make your decision clear: Try to tell the person asking for help simply and clearly what you cannot do.
∙ Say thank you: Thank you for asking me, and saying no like unfortunately I can’t do it right now softens our no a bit.
∙ Take time to decide: Often we rush to answer and end up in trouble. Take your time and reply after you are sure.
∙ Seek professional help: Often, overwhelming difficulty in saying no can be caused by a variety of psychological problems. It would also be helpful to know if such problems exist.