Immediately after All Saints Day, on 2nd November, the Catholic Church celebrates All Souls’ Day. This particular day is an invitation for all the living and the dead to join together. This day is also meant to do three things: give praise to the saints already enjoying the beatitudes promised by Jesus, intercede for the souls experiencing the mysterious state we call purgatory, and to pray for the perseverance of those of us who are still walking on the earth.
The door to eternity is death. This mystery can be meditated on this special day. However, we often experience death as extremely painful as it involves a separation from our loved ones. Hence, we are often afraid to reveal the mysteries of death to our children.
The Truth can be revealed to the Children
When a child happens to encounter death through the demise of dear ones like a father or mother, brother or sister, a grandparent or close neighbor, etc., it can deeply affect him or her. A child may have to face his or her own death due to some illness or accident. Naturally, we should not start a discussion on the subject of death irrespective of the specific situation. We have to be sensitive and prudent.
Whatever the circumstances, it is never easy to talk about death to a child. Sometimes words may seem to be bitter, and silence may be better. All children without exception wonder about death even when they don’t talk about it, which is the case when they sense that their parents aren’t ready to provide them with any answer (or worse still, they realize they’re being lied to about the subject).
Children expect truthfulness in all things. They may ask questions about the concepts of death, heaven, and eternity. So understand that you do not have to wait for your emotional growth to speak about death.
We mourn the death of a loved one. Without revealing all of our pain, without turning our children into the confidence of our despair, we can absolutely show them that, we too are sorry and that confronting death is difficult for all of us.
It is very important that a child knows that Christian hope, trust in God and belief in eternal life, transform our suffering into joy. Death is not the end of life. It is just a beginning of a new life. And it does not destroy our souls completely. Jesus himself cried before the tomb of his friend Lazarus. Death is both the happiness to meet the Creator and the horror of separation.
Let us be careful as we speak of death to children to avoid expressions that might confuse them. “The heavens” are found above our heads and if children do not realize that this term could also designate the Kingdom of God, they might naturally assume that the dead are suspended literally above our heads. Similarly, let us abstain from saying “God has taken your daddy.” A child might revolt against a God who “has taken” his or her father away.
Let us remember that children try to grasp only what is of interest to them. They understand reality gradually only. It should not be a surprise to repeat things that we assume they have understood. Hence, little children have a hard time realizing that while waiting to be resurrected, the body and the soul are separated in death.
Before starting with death, you could speak about life itself. Make them understand life that begins here and is then fulfilled in life eternal. It is to make them attentive to the reality of this discrete and silent but very real presence of all those who have gone before us — this communion of saints that unites in one and same love those living on earth, and those in heaven. Never say that you are unaware of our afterlife. That is a life made by God with bunches of surprise. As God is the most loving Father, we can be sure that it will be a lovely surprise!