Most people feel shy at many points in life. Many of you want to participate in social situations that are important to personal or professional goals, but fear and shyness make you very reluctant.
People with shyness want to be close to others, but being afraid to be rejected or criticized they avoid even social events they want to attend. They often end up feeling lonely and isolated, which increases their risk of developing other problems like depression or anxiety. Sometimes people will try to overcome shyness through alcohol or drugs. This may lead to another serious issue.
Here are four ways to increase your own social fitness:
- Plan for it to Go Well
Shyness is associated with being quiet and reserved. It is characterized by a strong tendency towards negativity. You are afraid that others will evaluate you very negatively; hence most of the time you are preoccupied with the fear that something would go wrong, instead of thinking how you can do something right.
One way to reduce anxiety is to spend more time for thinking about the ways you could turn the situation into a success. If you worry about giving a small talk, ask yourself a few questions that would help you generate some interesting topics: What are some current events I could bring up? What’s going on in my life that I feel comfortable sharing? What do I have in common with those who are present or attending?
You can also give yourself an exit strategy—just try not to use it. Exposing yourself to your fear is the best way to overcome it; however, it is also important to feel like you are in control. If you know you have a worst-case scenario exit strategy, then you won’t feel trapped.
- Be Curious about Others
Psychologist Alfred Adler, wrote, “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men has the greatest difficulties in life.”
In a social setting, try taking your focus off yourself. Instead, focus on being curious about others. Who are they and why are they there? What are their interests and hobbies? This gives you something different to focus on and helps you to generate conversations.
Everyone’s got a story to tell. Find out what it is, then sit back and listen. People love to talk about themselves. The way to be the most interesting person in the room is to find others to be interesting.
- Give Yourself a Role
Many socially shy people are highly successful professionals, including doctors, lawyers, professors, and business owners. They often comment on how they could gain confidence at work, and how they lose their self-confidence in situations where their role isn’t defined by their job. Having a role gives you a sense of purpose, and guidelines for how you should behave. Most people in any setting want to feel that they are liked and accepted.
- Soften Your Inner Dialogue
Shy people are often highly critical of themselves. Their inner dialogue can be very harsh. When you are judged by yourself harshly, you are more likely to assume that others will judge you in the same way. Your inner critic can cause a lot of emotional damage. That may result in the loss of peace of mind and self-esteem.
The best way to overcome this criticism is to have an even stronger ally on your side—an inner voice that acts as your own best friend. Always keep a positive mindset about yourself and learn to “talk back” to your inner critic. When the critic starts to blame you for being fearful, remember that there is not a single person who enjoys rejection, yet somehow we all manage to survive it.