Their sweet smile, lovely conversations, silly complaints, joyful friendliness, and occasional dislikes may be with us only for a few weeks. A time will come after which we will never be able to see them, listen to them and enjoy their presence. Hence, isn’t it better for us to be kind and merciful towards them now that they are with us?
The Fundamentals of Caregiving is an American novel by Jonathan Evison, published in 2012. The novel is about the life of a teen aged patient and the one who comes to take care of him. It beautifully narrates the importance of making a bond between both the patient and the caregiver.
There is also a movie released in 2016 with a similar title The Fundamentals of Caring. The movie begins with a training program for those who want to become an attendant of invalids. The trainer explains all the vital advice about caring.
“Caregiving is not just about feeding, clothing and cleaning. It is also about understanding how to establish a complicated relationship between those who give care and those who are in need of it. If you find yourself lost, frustrated, confused, you can always come back to this helpful mnemonic device: ALOHA (ALOHA – Ask, Listen, Observe, Help, And Ask Again).” This is an equation that all caregivers need to keep in their minds always.
A few more things are reminded in the class. “The fundamentals of caregiving are to give care; but not too much care. If you truly look forward to a lasting career in caregiving, you will need to adhere to its basic principles.”
The first basic principle is, you cannot take care of another person unless you can take care of yourself first. Unless you can take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of another person.
The second is, that your needs are equal to the needs of the person whom you are taking care of. Remind everyone that caregiving is a difficult task.
“All we can do is to try our best and maintain a positive attitude.”
Only one thing is reminded when the certificate is issued at the end of the Patient Care Course – ALOHA. Say nothing more than this, ALOHA, that’s all. Ask the patient, listen to the patient, observe the patient, help the patient, and ask the patient things again.
These are the basic principles for caregiving mentioned in the book and in the movie. These are also the principles that we need to follow in the practical life. Everything is included in the one word – ALOHA. Actually, ALOHA is a Hawaiian word. The Hawaiian language derives its name from the Island of Hawaii. Hawaiian is a 12-Alphabet language consisting of five vowels and seven consonants.
The word ALOHA carries multiple meanings. The first lexicographer of the Hawaii language Lauren Andrews says that the word contains different meanings like Love, affection, peace, sympathy, sorrow, mercy, etc. According to him ALOHA is used as a greeting uttered, when we meet someone or at the moment of departure.
“There is no equivalent word in the English language,” says Anna Wierzbicka, a linguist. Anyhow, we can accept the word ALOHA with its deep meanings in the language of origin, as both in the novel and movie. However, our basic attitude towards every patient should be that of mercy. This is said to be the distinctive quality of a caregiver.
A few years ago I happened to visit an old age home in Italy. A community of nuns from Kerala was entrusted with the nursing duties there. Death occurs there almost every week.
The very next day, there arrive new inmates to fill in. Reservation system is also available there. Many youngsters reserve seats for their aged parents! The sisters take care of the aged with mercy and caution. Hence a friendly atmosphere is maintained almost always. Most of the inmates are aware that they will have to face death sometime in the future.
“When you reach up there (heaven) kindly tell our affairs first,” the nuns would tell them half seriously and half as a fun.
It would be easier to remember those with whom you have been during your final hours. The sisters were very lovingly requesting the grannies and grandfathers to take their intentions to God and get them approved with their special recommendation. As they hear this, they would reply with a humble smile:
“Definitely, your intentions will be mentioned first, you are the only one who has been born to take care of me during my last days.”
How beautiful is the practice of the living who send their messages to the heavens through those who are leaving the world for eternity. It is similar to the one who is on the waiting list sending a letter of recommendation through an actual passenger. But if this is to happen between a patient and a caregiver, the mutual relationship between them should be very close and intimate. What else is more consoling for me in this world than that there is someone who is merciful to me?
Moreover, it is all-important that we are very merciful to those who are sure to leave this world soon for eternity. For they will never return to this world. We will never get an opportunity to assist them once again. Never again will we get a chance to serve them meals, quench their thirst, and give them a bath. We can never again sit beside them, touch on their hands, wipe out their tears, give a loving caress, and bless them with an affectionate kiss.
Their sweet smile, lovely conversations, silly complaints, joyful friendliness and occasional dislikes may be with us only for a few days or weeks more. A time will come after which we will never be able to see them, listen to them and feel their presence. Hence, isn’t better for us to be kind and merciful towards them now that they are with us?
We can be assured that our service to the sick and the aged would be much more merciful and caring, if we can imagine that our service to them is final. If we are a little more mindful of them we can be very merciful to them. If we keep our eyes open a little wider, our ears attuned a little more, and our minds a little more kind, we can be sure of success.
Sr. Jessy was hospitalized and her condition was getting worse. One evening I had a telephone call by 7 o’clock.
“Please come immediately; Sr. Jessy is experiencing excruciating pain.”
Her limbs seem to be freezing; the fingers and limbs convulsing; no improvement even after the palliative care of the nurses.
After instructing them to call the doctor, I started for the hospital. It took two hours to reach there, due to the heavy traffic.
When I reached there, I could see Sr. Jessy squirming due to intense pain. I asked whether she was administered any medication or not.
“No, the nurses come and examine her from time to time, and say that the difficulties will decrease gradually. Much of it could be due to her anxiety.”
I too went to the Nursing Station and explained Sr. Jessy’s situation. I also asked, whether the doctor was contacted or not. No satisfactory answer was given,
“Sister might be having such intense feeling of pain due to the specific stage of the illness,” was the only response.
I came back to the room, tried to console Sr. Jessy saying:
“Be calm, you will relieved of the pain gradually.”
But she asked:
“Don’t you have the contact number of the doctor? Can you please call him?”
I felt extremely sad; I failed to grasp that she insisted upon contacting the doctor only because her pain and other difficulties had turned so unbearable. Immediately I rang up Dr. Manu. After listening to me for a while the doctor responded:
“It may be due to the low level of Calcium in the body. I should make a call to the duty room.”
We waited. In five minutes a nurse came to the room to give Calcium Gluconate to Sr. Jessy. In ten minutes she felt much relief from pain and other difficulties. Then I thought, if I had contacted the doctor as soon as I noticed that she has been going through so much pain, she wouldn’t have to suffer so much. I could have been a little more careful towards her.
In fact, such situations were very rare during her illness and hospitalization. All of the caregivers, including those who are from her own religious community, behaved with great caution and attention. I do offer my prayers and heartfelt respect to each one of them.
Everyone involved in the caregiving sector deserve our respect and gratitude. Most of the nurses and doctors do their duties even overlooking the affairs in the family and as well as in their own personal life. The practitioners report for duty at the hospital with all the stress resulting from the illness or ailments of their own family members, their own ill health, and problems in the family, affairs related to the children, the needs of the life partner, and financial crises. All around, they encounter everyday pain, blood, screams, suffering, tears, death, and helplessness. Besides, there may not be much time for relaxation and many opportunities for celebrations.
Quite apart from their own problems and sufferings, they might encounter much more troublesome situations! In such cases they must be able to become real streams of mercy. By doing so they become real miracle workers. The healthcare workers are called to perform miracles of mercy all through their life in the world.
Thanks to all the health care workers! You are the ones who live most mercifully on this earth.
Fr. G. Kadooparayil MCBS