“If my mother were with me now you wouldn’t have told me this,” she tells once again. But amidst the loud cry it went unheard.
Four-year-old Ponette lost her mother in a car accident. She doesn’t understand what death is even though her father and others try to explain the situation to her. She has been hoping that her mother would come back.
There is a French movie named Ponette which was released in 1996. The world will always remember Jacques Doillon, the director of the movie, who made thousands cry watching it. A four-year-old girl named Victoire Thivisol played the role of the four-year-old girl in the movie. Another special feature of the movie is that themes like life, death, love, faith, and hope are beautifully dealth with from a Christian perspective.
In the movie, Ponette is unable to understand fully the death of her own mother. However, she seemed to live through a feeling that her mother is not with her. One day she went to the hillside with the gifts that her mother would like, and looked up to the sky and asked:
“Mom, won’t you come?”
There was no response to her repeated question. She then tries to use some divinely powerful words. She repeats the word ‘Talitacum’, a word used in the Gospel when Jesus raised a little girl after death (Mk. 5: 41). She started to cry in deep anguish as all her efforts seemed to fail.
In a scene Ponette’s aunt tries to console her telling that Jesus loved his disciples very dearly and that Jesus resurrected after death. But how can a four-year-old girl understand all that?
”Mother still listens to you; she sees you; she loves you.”
Her aunt goes on with such comforting words. But the little girl doesn’t seem to understand all that too. There is a very touching scene in the movie where the little girl tries to remove the soil over her mother’s grave and calls her mother back. A tear-jerker scene of the movie!
Even though some people try to comfort her, there are also a few who try to discourage her. For instance she has to listen to the words of criticism from one of her own friends, which made her cry. While they are playing her friend says:
“Someone’s mother dies, when her children are bad. Your mother died because you aren’t a good child.”
A big shock for her and she bursts out with tears in her eyes:
“If my mother were with me you wouldn’t have told me thus.” Ponette continues sobbing.
We have to be very careful about every single word we utter in the presence of little children. Even a little conversation in the family circle can turn out to be a matter of serious discussion for the little ones when they come together as friends.
As we watch the movie we also come across people who make unnecessary comments when some deaths occur in a family, like, ‘he died because of what he did’ or ‘this death is due to the curse of God’ or ‘his/her loved one died because of his/her fault, etc.’ What right one has to make such comments? God has not authorized anyone to judge others. The best thing to do in such situations is to refrain from making any negative comment.
The most exciting part of this movie is Ponette’s prayer to God. She kneels down and folds her hands and prays to God. Now she is convinced that only God can do something for her.
”Almighty God,”
She starts to pray. However, she is unable to continue due to her deep grief. Somehow she manages to continue.
”Almighty God, you know that my mom has died. And my mom is with you presently.”
She breaks down and cries.
”I want to talk to my mom,” tears are trickling down from her both eyes like small rivulets. But her sparkling eyes express her deep feeling of assurance that God will hear her prayers. She continues her prayer with sobs.
“Dear God, I have tried many times to talk to my mom. But, I could not. Mom never spoke to me. I didn’t get any reply so far.”
Holding back her tears, she continues her prayer to God.
”You have to tell my mom to talk to me.”
As we listen to this prayer of the little girl we are sure that tears will well up in our own eyes too.
Then she looks at her mom’s photo and says:
“Mommy, mommy you see? I talked to God.”
After saying this, she goes to bed to sleep. Before covering with the blanket she gives her usual kisses to her mom.
”Thousands of kisses to my mom!”
She falls asleep with the assurance that God has heard her prayer and the joy of giving kisses to her mommy.
Finally, she realizes that the only way to get her mom back is by keeping her mom very close to her heart.
This is a movie that tries to explain how children can be helped to understand the concept of ‘death.’ Watching the movie we get an idea as to how we can hold a conversation with children on the topic of death: what to say to them, what is not be told, how to say, how much to say while discussing the death of a dear one. We can also learn how much pain children experience at the loss or separation of their dear ones through death.
Even adults are deeply affected at the demise of their dear ones. As we know, physical wounds take time, depending on depth of the wound, for a perfect healing. Similarly, mental or emotional pain, caused by the death of a dear one, gets healed gradually depending on the closeness of their relationship.
I can visualize in my imagination Jesus raising the daughter of Jairus by saying, ‘Talitacum’ or raising Lazarus, saying, “Lazarus, come out.” I believe that Jesus will also raise my loved ones, on the last judgement day though.
I recall what Martha said: “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day”(Jn 11: 24). Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (Jn 11: 25).
At this time if the same question is asked to me, my only answer will be, “I believe.”
On certain nights, I pray to God, like Ponette, strongly affirming my faith:
Almighty God, you know that many of my loved ones have died. Now all of them are with you. Dear God, sometimes I want to talk to them, I want to be with them, I want to tell them some of my joys, I want to share some of my sorrows with them, I want to hold their hands and walk a little further, I want to tell them all that have happened in my life since their death.
Dear God, I talk to them a lot in my heart but they don’t respond to me. I always see them in my heart but they don’t say anything to me. I wish, they speak to me, at least a word.
Dear God, you must tell them that I loved them and still love them. And you must tell them that their kind words and mature advice are still the lamps to my feet and a light on my path. You must tell them that I will love them as long as I am on earth.
Dear God, I have to say one last thing. Even if they stop talking to me, you shall never stop talking to me, because that is what holds me alive and sustains me.
I do not fall asleep like Ponette. I’ll be looking forward to Thy Answer.
Fr. G. Kadooparayil MCBS