Life is similar to a long train journey. We just get into the train from a particular station. When we get in the train we find that there are already a few pe-ople inside. At every stop a few get in and a few others get out. At the end, we too get down at some stop. Life is just like that, and death too.
There is a beautiful passage in the last chapter of the Book of Ecclesiastes: “Before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark, and the clouds return after the rain; when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men stoop, when the grinders cease because they are few, and those looking through the windows grow dim; when the doors to the street are closed and the sound of grinding fades; when people rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint; when people are afraid of heights and of dangers in the streets; when the almond tree blossoms and the grasshopper drags itself along and desire no longer is stirred. Then people go to their eternal home and mourners go about the streets” (Eccles. 12: 2-5).
At the end, people will return to their eternal home and the mourners will go about the streets. This is what is going to happen in everyone’s life. As we started our earthly life with the first breath, so also, we will go to our eternal home with the last breath. Those who are left out will go about the street mourning for the dead. These mourners too will go to their eternal home later. Those who are still left out on the earth will move through the streets mourning for these dead ones.
In a way, life is a long funeral cortege of mourners. Many are moving forward; some disappear in between; then some others join the group. Many among those who were there from the beginning are no more there. Some others take their places. The journey continues. This is life; also, death!
Between life and death, we move forward. To some extent, life is full of uncertainties from beginning to end.
There is a common saying that life is like a game of chess between birth and death. The Seventh Seal is a Swedish historical fantasy film written and directed by Ingmar Bergman in the year 1957. Its name and story are based on the seventh seal narrated in the Book of Revelation. “When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour” (Rev. 8: 1). The silence of death goes past half an hour! It is un-ending. We don’t know when and where it will end.
The story of The Seventh Seal is very exciting. It tells the story of a knight named Antonius Block who has just returned to Sweden after ten unsuccessful years of Crusade. Black Death was sweeping across their country. As he approaches home, the personified Death appears to him and tells him that it is his time. The knight challenges Death for a game of chess. Human beings are like that. Despite the fact that we do not know many things, we pretend to know everything. Death is sure of victory and accepts the challenge.
Antonius, then proposes a condition:
“I will live as long as I hold on to the game against you. If I win, you will release me.”
Death agrees and the game starts. The Knight and Death bent over the chessboard. The Knight uses the white pieces and Death the dark ones. The game continues all through the movie, and in between many things happen.
They play the last game under a tree. Antonius’ eyes are alarmed. Death looks at him intently. Antonius askes Death:
“No one can escape from you, is it so?”
Death replies with brief smile:
“Nothing escapes me. No one escapes from me.”
Antonius pretends to be distracted and clumsy, and knocks down the chess board with the helm of his coat. He looks up and justifies that he had forgotten where the pieces stood. It has been his last effort to stop the game and escape form Death. Death laughs contentedly and replies:
“But I have not forgotten.”
Yes, Death cannot forget it. Death leans over the board and rearranges the pieces as they had stood, and reminds Antonius:
“You can’t get away that easily.”
In the next move Death wins over the Knight.
Life is so subtle. But, we are engaged with defeating, raiding and fighting etc. A visit to a chemotherapy ward of any hospital will help us realize that life is a game of chess with death.
Many a time, I have been to the chemo ward of Caritas Hospital, Kottayam. A chemo ward of any hospital is familiar with the life and death game. It was in Caritas Hospital where my sister Jessy underwent 41 Chemotherapy Injections and two cycles of Oral Chemotherapies. I often wondered, how could a person under 50 kilos stand all those and how did her body react to all those drugs? In addition to chemotherapy, she also underwent radiation therapy!
Chemotherapy wards are all together a different world. There is no distinction between the great ones and the little ones, the rich and the poor, and the old and the young! All are equal there, or rather, cancer has made all equal! Cancer binds them together. The chain of death, indeed, tightens them individually; but at the same time, a fabric of friendship binds them together.
Those who take chemotherapy follow a treatment cycle. So, a group of people always meet the same people each time they come for the therapy. Chemotherapy uses anti-cancer (cytotoxic) drugs to destroy cancer cells.
Many people consider Paul Ehrlich, a Nobel Prize- winning German physician and scientist, as the father of chemotherapy. But, Sidney Farber, the world-renowned American pediatric pathologist, is generally accepted as the father of the modern era of chemotherapy.
There is a story about the starting of this treatment. During the Second World War, on 2 December 1943, the German force attacked the Italian port town of Bari. That onslaught costed at least 1000 lives and sunk 17 ships. One ship was carrying 2,000 bombs loaded with deadly mustard gas.
It was discovered later that people who were accidently exposed to the mustard gas developed significantly reduced white blood cell counts. This finding led researchers to investigate whether mustard agents could be used to halt the growth of rapidly dividing cells such as cancer cells. This led to the invention of Mustine, the first drug for chemo treatment. Even war may result in something good!
Later, there came out a variety of medicines for chemotherapy. But studies show that the theories and limitations found in the first invention remain unchanged even in the later advanced medicines.
At a glance, chemotherapy is very similar to administering intravenous medicines (I.V). No one, neither the relatives nor friends dare to tell the patients that they are suffering from terminal cancer. They might be under the impression that they will be cured soon. One of the most difficult ethical dilemmas faced by health care professionals working in the oncology department is whether, when, how and how much to reveal to the patients about their actual diagnosis and prognosis. Most often, the actual situation of the illness is disclosed to the patients only towards the last stages of their life.
Here, telling the truth is a complicated business. It is considered to be an ethical issue as well as a moral obligation by a large number of health care professionals. However, there are different views as to when and how to disclose the actual situation to the patients. Many are of the opinion that the disclosing of the actual condition at the initial stages of the disease could always have the risk of shattering hopes and dreams of a patient. It may negatively affect the mental health of the patient. If they are unaware of the actual situation, they may continue to live a normal life.
There is also another view that everyone has the right to know about his/her illness. I think that here there is no clear distinction between right and wrong. The best would be to act prudently by the actual situation.
There might be an unintended deep relationship among the patients undergoing chemotherapy. As they part they may say, ‘see you next time.’ But sadly many of them may never meet again!
I used to accompany Sr. Jessy as she went to the hospital for chemotherapy. Two Sisters from her community would also accompany her. I was always extremely impressed by the unbelievable care and attention extended to her.
Once she was undergoing chemotherapy. Certain drugs might cause acute pain or a burning sensation which would be unbearable. She was literally struggling. Only way out was to divert her attention by engaging in some conversation. So we started talking; many topics came up like diseases, patients, local news, world news etc.
The patient next to her was half asleep. She also was having chemotherapy. I asked Jessy whether she knew her.
“No,” she said.
“You used to get acquainted with other patients during your hospital visits for treatment. Why not now?” I asked.
“In the beginning, I used to get acquainted with those who came for chemotherapy. I used to meet them later also. But in recent times, many of them do not return. I happened to see the pictures of a few of them in the obituary column of the newspaper. About a few of them, I’ve no idea.”
Her voice was trembling, but there was a beautiful smile on her face. She was, in fact, hinting that sometime later, she also would disappear from this world. We did not continue the conversation. Soon I said goodbye to her. As I drove home alone, I could not control my emotions. I even wept aloud.
The black chess pieces on the chessboard are ready to swallow up the white ones. Just like Antonio of the Seventh Seal, everyone will lose the game. Oh my God, I can’t bear the thought.
Written by: Fr. G. Kadooparayil MCBS
Translated by: Fr. Jaimon Mulappancheril MCBS