Laurence Steinberg, a professor of psychology at Temple University, offers this advice for the parents of teens to handle them better.
1. What you do Matters
Parents mistakenly think that by the time children have become teenagers, there’s nothing more a parent can do. Of course, it is wrong. Studies clearly show that good parenting continues to help teenagers develop in healthy ways, stay out of trouble and do well in school.
2. About Loving too MuchÂ
Don’t hold back when it comes to pouring the praise and showing physical affection. There is no evidence that adolescents are harmed by having parents who are unabashedly loving–as long as you don’t embarrass them in front of their friends.
3. Stay Involved
Even if your children are withdrawing from you, you should keep involved in your kid’s activities. It’s just as important for you to be involved now–maybe even more so. Participate in school programs. Get to know your child’s friends. Spend time together.
4. Adapt Your ParentingÂ
Many parenting strategies that work at one age stop working at the next stage of development. As children get older, for example, their ability to reason improves dramatically, and they will challenge you if what you are asking doesn’t make sense.
5. Limits are to be KeptÂ
The most important thing children need from their parents is love, but a close second is structure. Even teenagers need rules and limits. Be firm but fair. Relax your rules bit by bit as your child demonstrates more maturity. If he or she can’t handle the freedom, tighten the reins and try again in a few months.
6. IndependenceÂ
Many parents erroneously equate their teenager’s drive for independence with rebelliousness, disobedience or disrespect. It’s healthy for adolescents to push for autonomy. Give your children the psychological space they need to learn to be self-reliant, and resist the temptation to micromanage.