St. Peter and Paul, the chiefs of the Apostles, went through many difficulties in their lives. Many of us could only imagine those experiences in our worst nightmares. In the epistles, St. Paul reflects on how He was beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked 3 times, robbed, yelled at by his own countrymen, and often left hungry, thirsty, and naked. St. Peter had his own troubles in Rome and was ultimately tortured and crucified upside down…all while doing God’s work in the world!
Despite all that happened to them, both of them spent their lives trusting in God. Their only confidence relied upon God. Their only focus was the Kingdom which is to come.
While we might not all reach the level of St. Peter and Paul, that does not mean that we can’t apply some of their examples to our own lives. There are two virtues that stand out among the rest that we can very easily apply to our lives today. The first one starts with St. Peter. He was the man who spent his time becoming the closest Disciple of our Lord. He was the first person to proclaim Jesus as God and was a true friend of Christ. But after our Lord was arrested, despite all of the Love that he had for Jesus, it was Peter who denied Him three times.
The very moment that he fell, Peter’s heart was pierced when he remembered the hurt eyes and heart of Jesus while who he had turned his back on. Even though he was forgiven in the eternal kingdom, it is said for the rest of his life, Peter never forgot the pain of that betrayal. It is said in the reading of his life that he wept every day…so much so that there are some icons that depict large welts under his eyes where the tears of his repentance flowed. St. Peter reminded Himself each day of his unworthiness, of the look of pain that our Lord had given him, of the frailty he had as a human being. Peter used those images to spend his entire life in daily repentance, turning his focus away from the world and towards a life with God.
St. Paul, our other example, lived a life in which he too denied Christ, but not with words. His denial came with every violent action. This was a man who held the coats of the Pharisees while St. Stephen was beaten and martyred in the streets! But after St. Paul’s repentance, after his life changed, he was able to keep his eyes fixed on the Kingdom by living a life of humility.
St. Paul was a man who wrote most of the New Testament. He lived a God-filled life! He started many Churches, healed the sick, and brought thousands of people to Christ! But despite all of this, he tells his disciple Timothy: “Jesus came into the world to save sinners…of whom I am “Protos” (first). Despite all of the miracles that our Lord worked for St. Paul, he still saw himself as the chief among sinners.
How can I begin to seek the Kingdom of God in my life? The answer is rooted in repentance (an about-face or a change in our own lives)….and humility (the self-emptying that allows us to keep moving towards Christ). This is not only a common denominator of the Apostles, but it is also a life that is shared by all of the Saints in the Church. We who are called to be saints must emulate these virtues daily if we are to have any hope of Seeking the Kingdom in our own lives.
An edited excerpt from the article written by Fr. Gabriel in www.st.marymagdalene.org